Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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