We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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