Four minutes until I can fart!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
