we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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