if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
