I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
