I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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