I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
