She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
