I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
