If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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