I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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