Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
