She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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