is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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