u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
