Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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