My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you win again, gameday.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
