hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
