What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
