There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
