dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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