I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just invented taco cereal.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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