Non-Jews are for practice
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
