mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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