So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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