i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
