Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
