so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
