The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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