I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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