Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
