It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
