Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
