im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
