my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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