You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
