Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
