we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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