I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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