i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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