What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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