Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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