he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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