I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
