GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
