just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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