I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
