This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
