the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
