That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize