bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
