I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize