So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
love makes seman taste better
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
