One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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