you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
