why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
