We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
