let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
