My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
