I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
