Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
