did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize