I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
