Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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