Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
