took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
